3 Songs Inspired by Pizza

Pizza is one of those things that is ripe for parody, if only because its popularity and is versatile enough to span any genre. From kids’ songs extolling the virtues of pizza to heavy metal, songs about pizza are always hilarious, over the top, and in some cases, downright terrifying.

The Olson Twins Scare the Crap Out of You

Way back when, before they became mere bags of human skin tightly drawn over a skeleton, the Olson Twins Mary-Kate and Ashley, were some of the biggest child stars in America. They put in their time on the television show Full House, which would not only introduce us to them as babies but also lead us to believe that Bob Saget was anything other than a foul-mouthed stand up comedian with a penchant for funny sweaters. As they grew up, they started taking advantage of their resemblance (they’re technically fraternal twins), and starred in a number of ridiculous straight-to-video movies wherein they found themselves involved in whacky capers or a “switcheroo” scenario. At some point in their early careers, they decided to film a music video with some friends about their love of pizza. This in of itself is completely innocuous and forgettable, but thanks to the Internet, it’s become one of the most hilarious and downright terrifying creations since the Noid.

Some brilliant individual, clearly bored with cat videos, took it upon himself to take the video and simply slow it down. The end result is a wildly hilarious video that features demonic-sounding children singing about all the foods they should put on a pizza. Even when not slowed down the video provides plenty of brilliant freeze frame moments wherein each of the children has a wild-eyed eyed ravenous look on their faces suggesting that, yes, putting meatloaf on a pizza is indeed an acceptable thing to do when you’re a little kid.

System of a Down Screams About Addiction in ‘Chick ‘n’ Stu’

A few years after their wildly popular and groundbreaking sophomore album “Toxicity,” California-based nu-metalers System of a Down released an album comprised of B-sides, rare tracks, and some new tunes to satiate people until their mid-2000 double album beast “Mesmerize” and “Hypnotize.” Leaked onto the Internet before its release under the title “Therapy,” the opening track on the album is a charmingly loud and frenetic ode to pizza...or is it?

Well, given their political leanings and need to make a point on almost every track, the song is less about pizza than it is advertising and marketing. The title comes from Los Angeles Lakers broadcasters Chick Hearn and Stu Lantz, with the opening line “This ballgame’s in the refrigerator” being a reference to a line Hearn used to say during games. The rest of the song, however, with its quick verses listing off pizza ingredients and chorus shouting “Advertising causes need / need therapy, therapy” serving as a scathing indictment of mass marketing, advertising, and, to an extent, addiction.


The Ninja Turtles Punch You Right in the Nostalgia

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, created by Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird, were an incredibly popular comic strip before being made into three feature films and countless animated series. In the comic, they were rude, violent, and pretty much the exact of the movies, really. When they finally made their way to the big screen, they cracked wise, didn’t actually kill anyone, and professed a fondness for pizza that would go on to create on of the weirdest and downright jaw dropping music videos devoted to pizza since the history of anything.

In the video, Michelangelo, the one turtle who REALLY loves pizza, sings along to the tune of “On Top of Old Smokey” as he recounts the myriad toppings you can put on a pizza. Unlike the Olson Twins video, which is merely a representation of how kids will put mildly esoteric foods on pizza, the Turtles sing about how items such as pickles, mustard, and an apple found underneath a desk are all suitable for a pizza. At the end of the video Michelangelo goes to put the pizza in the oven, only to be met with a plume of smoke blowing in his face, followed by “Call 911!” Good job, Michelangelo. You’re an expert at ninjutsu but you can’t make a pizza. Go figure.

Posted on September 11, 2012 at 9:00 AM