5 Pizzas That Can Kill You

Everyone loves pizza,  but no one wants it to be the cause of an untimely death. If you don’t want to absolutely kill your heart, you should probably avoid these five absolutely insane- and incredibly unhealthy - pizzas.

The Bacon Cheeseburger Pizza

Putting hamburger on a pizza is nothing new; most pizza places offer ground beef as a topping, one of the many meats you can get on your pizza. By comparison, a giant burger loaded with bacon and cheese is nothing new, either. In fact, it’s a common staple among many burger joints around the country. But what happens if you combine the two? You get an unholy abomination of culinary insanity that is guaranteed to raise that heart rate in ways you’ve never experienced.

As the picture shows, the Bacon Cheeseburger Pizza is a MASSIVE burger filled with gooey cheese and crispy bacon with two giant meat covered pizzas serving as the buns. Each slice presumably contains over 2,000 calories, so eating more than one - or just one, actually - probably wouldn’t be advisable. In fact, one bite should be enough to satisfy even the most die-hard eater’s curiosity.


Junk Food Pizza

Pizza isn’t known to be a healthy food item, and the more cheese and toppings you add to it, the less healthy it tends to become. For many, this means extra meats and other fatty items. In the case of the Junk Food Pizza, this means enough snacks and munchies to make a stoner jealous.

The Junk Food Pizza is the type of pizza you look at it with a furrowed brow and utter confusion. Who could eat such a thing? Weird toppings are one thing, but some items, such as this pizza’s potato skins, mini tacos, Jalapeno poppers, onion rings, and mozzarella stick, just don’t belong on a pizza. After all, how are you supposed to eat this thing?

Although no calorie estimates exist, you can presume each slice numbers between 1,500 and 2,000 calories. It’s a suitable rival for the Bacon Cheeseburger Pizza, and it’s definitely tastier than the next pizza on the list.


Snack Bomb Pizza

While potato skins and mozzarella sticks might actually taste good on a pizza, they certainly don’t belong on one. But nothing can beat the Snack Bomb Pizza, a generic pizza that contains french fries, sliced corn dogs, popcorn chicken from KFC, and....Doritos?

Now, I can understand the first three, even if they are rather crazy, but cheese-flavored corn chips? I don’t know if it would be the strong and incredibly out of place flavor, or the disturbing crunch noise, but Doritos definitely don’t belong on a pizza. Nevermind the fact that, like its predecessor the Junk Food Pizza, it’s destined to pack a calorie wallop and send that blood pressure shooting sky high.


Happy Meal Pizza

McDonald’s certainly isn’t known as being promoters of good health. The documentary Super Size Me definitely attempted to highlight just how horrible their food is, and despite some rather tenuous arguments on the part of the doc’s creator, managed to get the popular fast food chain to remove the Super Size option from its menu. Of course, someone has taken it upon themselves to create a McDonald’s meal that combines the sodium and carbohydrate-filled glory of a Happy Meal with the cheesy goodness of a pizza, so I guess the movie didn’t inspire that much change.

The Happy Meal Pizza is precisely what the name says: A pizza, preferably a large, topped with all the items you might find in a Happy Meal. And not one of those phoney Happy Meals that contains healthy food options. No, this pizza contains two cheeseburgers and an order of fries, which is in turn topped with cheese. But that’s not all! It also contains a classic six piece chicken nuggets, just in case you didn’t already hate yourself.


Japanese Mega Pizza

The Japanese have always been on the forefront of absolutely insane food you would only eat on a bet, so there’s really no shock that major chain restaurants, such as Pizza Hut, tend to get in on the action. While pizzas in Asia tend to be a little weird (squid ink pizza, anyone?), the Mega Pizza from Japan takes the cake.

You might be familiar with the Cheese Bite Pizza from American Pizza Hut’s. It’s merely a pizza made with a crust of cheesy bites you peel off and dip. Sadly, it has nothing on the Mega Pizza, which takes this idea and completely turns it on its head. The crust of the pizza is made of hot dogs wrapped in cheese, bacon, all stuffed in little bites of dough. That alone isn’t that crazy, but when you consider the following additional toppings, you have one pizza that wants nothing more than to destroy your heart.

It contains hamburgers, cheese rolls, sausage, bacon, ham, bacon bits, mushroom, onion, pepper, garlic and, of course, tomato sauce, with the added bonus of ketchup and maple syrup to just completely blow any competition out of the water.


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Posted on May 22, 2012 at 9:00 AM